this is how we say, goodbye

kok bisa gini ya, kok gini ya rasanya. 

atau emang gini...tapi lupa?

harus ya se-musingin ini, senyakitin ini.

atau emang sebenernya lebih dari ini...tapi udah kelamaan jadi gasadar?

em kesepiannya gils, rasa sendirinya kerasa.

apa emang dari dulu gini...tapi ya namanya juga ngurang.

makin dikit aja yang tinggal dirumah...yagasi? apa cuma karna sekarang..

timingnya aja yang ga pas bikin banyak kehilangan?

honestly, yesterday i was thinking if i tell u abt school stuffs. you will be extremely happy, 'cos in the other side, youll remembering your best time of your life. being the first headmaster. i know you would love it. and i decided, to tell you all of the stories after my national examination. but well, those things just too late. finally&lately i'm sorry for being too busy, maybe you're ever thinking that i dont even care with people around....and home. by the way, i'm not. i do care until i felt a bit tired, so reached home after 6 - got in to my bedroom - locked the door until morning - then went school.

in the end, i just want to say sorry.and honestly i really really love you grandma.

best regards,

your grand-daughter in the next door.

for my super-duper best grandma ever! rest in peace, 23rd april '13.

wrrrrong.

saya cuma butuh waktu; itu aja.

-----

jadi, jadwal tentang ujian ujian kelas 9 yang sebelumnya di post ga hoax, ga ada ngaret2nya. gue rasa pihak sekolah bikin itu sebagai motifasi biar ga leha-leha. ternyata, ngga. itu emang kejadian. minggu terakhir di februari dipake TUC Kota, minggu depannya UTS. diselang satu minggu, minggu berikutnya dipake TUC Provinsi, habis itu US, dan beberapa minggu kemudian UN

lagi padatnya gini otak, padat-padatnya juga kemauan hati, kemauan attitude. jauh jauh sama logika, walaupun kacau kali ini ga separah yang pernah dirasain sebelumnya, tetep kali ini waktunya ga pas sama sekali, bantu saya rapihin satu-satu, tolong. &if every teardrop is waterfall, kaya di-lagu nya coldplay. mohon maaf banjir kemarin saya yang membiayai-nya('

mhyeeea

"Sometimes memories makes you blind. you keep thinking it's just a shadow. 

until you realize, you're already in love" - Key,

"Lack of love will make you sad,

too much love will lead you to pain" - Park,

"The truth is, the one you love isn't a wizard.

Just a regular person who can't

read your mind at all" - my favorite one&the most infuriating, Skandar.

seriously, this week was the most tiring one on 2013. so much pain attacked, both physically and mentally. mhyeeea, regret a little bit about everything ive done. i'm just sick with some things around& i just need a little bit longer-, time. to repair, to fix up, to snuff of, or maybe to chop-you guys up into pieces. if-it-was-supposed-to-be-like-this?

*now playing* when i was your man - .b.m.

HABIS.

masa jabatan saya habis. masa pengabdian secara langsung saya selesai. berat ngelepasnya, 2 tahun terus nempel sama bidang 3 bener bener bukan sekedar jadi suatu pengalaman besar. 31 oktober 2011, a' Samudra Fadhil resmi ngasih jabatan kepala bidang 3 itu ke gua. dan 407 hari 8 jam kemudian, bagian gua yang harus ngasih tempat itu ke orang lain. jujur sedih, berat banget rasanya. lebih berat dari ngangkat sound system setiap hari kamis.

10 menit lagi selendang itu bukan punya gue, bukan dititipin ke gue lagi. mulai minggu depan juga mungkin gue bisa aja jadi orang ter-celingukan setiap upacara. "dimana gue harus baris", mulai minggu depan ga akan ada lagi yang senyum ngeledekin gue kalo gue dateng jam 6.30 atau lebih. kasarnya, tiap pagi gue gaperlu pusing mikrin setiap jarum menit jam yang pindah tempat. ga akan ada lagi lari-larian naik turun tangga 'nyari si nasib'. ga akan ada pikiran yang ngelilingin kepala di setiap minggu malem/rabu malem.

terima kasih banyak buat semuanya, terimakasih udah percayain tanggung jawab itu ke gua. mohon maaf gua belum bisa maximal, belum bisa jadi yang terbaik. dan ga akan bisa jadi yang terbaik. waktunya habis, dan gue udah gapunya kesempatan ke 3. dua duanya udah selesai, masa 2010/2011 gue sebagai wakabid habis. 2011/2012 juga. gua minta maaf sekali lagi kalo kata kalian upacara gapernah maximal, pandangan kalian memang benar.

selesai, osmf ang. 2011/2012 mau harus pamit dulu. 1 tahun bener bener cepet, tapi serius OSIS bener bener ngasih banyak pengaruh dan perubahan ke gue pribadi, dan gue yakin yang lainnya pun begitu. liat aja di foto gue bapuk banget dulu, bocah gajelas. tapi gue pengen terus kaya gitu, kenapa? karena disaat lagi kaya gituuuuu......bukan saatnya ada kata "lengser" masuk ke kepala, otak, ataupun diri gua:')

i give it up

i hate this, really hate this feeling for seriously. i dont know who should be blame. you, me, or those around us. thank you very much for the time, thank you for that chance. become person who always associated with you by people around for a month is such an unwritten awards for me. finally, maybe it might not be my livelihood. stay cheers!


♫Beautiful Goodbye // Maroon 5, now playing


I count the ways I let you down
On my fingers and toes but I'm runnin' out
Clever words can't help me now
I keep you tight but you're sleeping out

And I remember your eyes were so bright, when I first met you,
so in love that night
And now I'm kissin' your tears goodnight, and i can't take it,
you're even perfect when you cry

Beautiful goodbye (bye bye, bye bye)
It's drippin' from your eyes (bye bye, bye bye)
Your beautiful goodbye (bye bye, bye bye woah)
It's drippin' from your eyes (bye bye, bye bye)

oh yeah
When did the rain become a storm, when did the clouds begin to form
Yeah we got knocked off course by a natural force and We'll,
We'll be swimmin' when it's gone.

Dia yang mungkin sempurna dimatamu. Dia yang mungkin selalu ada buat kamu. Dan dia yang mungkin ada dihatimu sekarang. Sayangnya aku bukan dia. Aku hanyalah diriku yang terus terlarut dalam penantian panjang ini. Aku yang terus bertahan dalam semua kesesakan ini. Dan aku yang terus berusaha untuk bisa membuat kamu senang. Tapi ternyata begini rasanya menunggu kamu dalam keadaan seperti ini. Awalnya semua menyenangkan, ketidaktahuan itu membuat kenyamanan diposisi ini. Tapi waktu terus berjalan, dan ketidaktahuan itu berubah membuatku mendadak merasakan sesak. Bukankah aku yang menginginkan di posisi yang seperti ini? aku pun tidak tahu. Dan menahan rasa sesak itu sendirian, menyakitkan. Hanya bisa terdiam dan menahan semua perasaan ini, entah sampai kapan. Tapi mengapa disaat lelah dalam penantian ini, selalu ada rasa untuk tetap bertahan.

(re-bloged from nuke dheanira's)

"yap. saat gue udah siap sama semuanya, dan ngerti sama keadaan sebenernya. lo kemana? gue tau lo masih disana, walaupun kayanya lo lagi tidur dan lagi main di mimpi sana. gue minta maaf harus jatuh ke lubang terlambat. ga sekedar kepeleset kaya kemarin."

"sorry for seems like ignores you today. i do not intend"

PSS' break fasting

happy fasting! 7th august i had a break fasting with my pss' friends. actually, with the indonesian friends. then in the middle of dinner, we just realize that day was 'Day-3 months' 1 year we hosted the pioneer student. so when we finished, we do flashback the activity and schedule when we hosting them. and its really hurtssss. why? next november they dont come here. well, some of them come, but the shift 3 so its kind of different generation. cause i was shift 2. and here some list of people that i missed, check this one out:

1. definitely, absolutely. DAMIA AZMI!
my guest, and my host. shes really exclaimed! and i dont know when i will meet her again. dont know when, dont know where :""""""

2. Muhammad Raziqin
well, you know the reason. coercion.

3. Leow Jing Kang
the awesome one. the second for being perky.

4. Ariff Mikail
chum-chum!!!!

5. Dania Azmi
damia's lil sist. nice and cute!

6. all of shift 2&3!

anjritttt pokonya kemaren bukber bener2 flashback dan jlepp abis. haaah yaa yang jelas 1-4 itu ga akan kesini lagi, dan mereka lah yang paling gue kangenin. entah kenapa. mungkin karna easygoing dan welcomingnya itu yang ga tanggung2! aaah missed you so muchhh guys:'''''''

much love,

late post.

"Dark Knight"

It's been four long years of waiting, but "The Dark Knight Rises," the conclusion of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, finally hits theaters this weekend. yihaaaaa! and i havent watch it-_-. whereas, since i was kid i've loved it so damn muchh. i always being hysterical if his new episode was in DC Comics'. even though, i dont really understand with the language, 'cos DC isnt using indon's. full english. hahaha well i just gettt a really wonderstruck when seeing his sign, so much awesome.

and now maybe to celebrate what may be Christian Bale's final run as DC Comics' Dark Knight, i've found a lots of website from american put together a list of five epic Batman songs, here we go:


1. from the ironic -- 'Prince's - Batdance'
2. to the lesser-known -- 'Panic! at the Disco's - Mercenary'
3. named after the skyline Batman protects -- 'R. Kelly's - Gotham City'
4. lady of Rage sings, starting off -- 'Snoop's - Batman & Robin' track
5. Cash Money actor-turned-rapper pulls no punches in his -- 'Bow Wow - Batman'

have you watched it? :)

again.

do i have to walk up or whatever to talk privately with them?

or should i contact them one-by-one then say sorry?

for all the things that happened in the past?

i dont mind to get back to that situation, i dont mind to leave him just like before

i dont mind to hurts or even breaks the trust they gave like what i did to you guys.

that just me with the childish mind. you better like this, and dont ever look back.

i feel so bad now, when three of you do care to me, really care, i even give you a f*ck.

i never treat you like what it supposed to be.

hi 2 years, congratulation your hair is getting back now, yeah, just like the first time we met.

dinosaur! different with the last time we met, different with the last time we skype. looks more than just a teenage, cooler than a shark. thanks for doing everything for me to the fullest.

last, you. the last. you've just become largely what i want when i disappears from yours. kinda too late.

but, am i doin' wrong if i still miss you guys?

of course with a different way

i just miss the time when i get really stupid, to waste your favor.

you just be like what i really like, when i accidentally open your page.

and find out that youre different now, people growing up, and people move on.

little bit sucks. little bit crestfallen.

r.

7/12